Loving your husband
Spring 2023
My friend Doris and her husband had been married for ten years before the Lord saved them. Prior to their salvation, they were religious, but had not heard the gospel. As they grew in grace, old habits fell away; however, one area continued to be a problem—their marriage. Doris was so frustrated because she could not get her husband to do what she wanted him to do. She tried everything to no avail until she attended a Bible study on marriage. The teacher insisted that each class member complete the homework, and Doris, feeling desperate, committed to the class. The Lord used that study to open Doris’s understanding to the truth of God’s Word regarding marriage relationships.1
Doris learned that God in Genesis 1–2 gave Adam certain responsibilities: authority (dominion); be fruitful and multiply; subdue the earth; dress (care for) the Garden of Eden; keep (guard, protect) the Garden. God also gave Adam the desire, drive, and inherent need to fulfill the tasks. Good men desire to take leadership, have children, conquer the earth, care for, and protect their families.
Eve was created to be a help for Adam as he did his tasks, not to do his tasks for him, although her co-operation is certainly necessary, especially with respect to children. A wife helps her husband when she understands and accepts how God made him, admires and respects God’s work in him, focuses on his strengths, empathizes with his difficulties, and prioritizes his needs.
When they sinned, both Adam and Eve failed in their God-given tasks: Adam did not protect his territory or his wife, while Eve ventured out alone without consulting Adam. Terrible consequences resulted, and for women the struggle to control rather than to help her husband became a natural response. When your husband makes a plan, do you have a better one? Do you cheerfully accept his leadership or grumble wanting your own way? Eve traded respect, obedience, and submission for snares, nets, and bands to bind him according to Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7:26. Solomon’s reactions in Proverbs 21:19, 26:21, and 27:15 regarding the contentious wife are quite condemning!
In wonderful gospel mercy, God provides the escape from this grievous temptation. In Titus 2:4–5, older women are to teach the young women “to love their husbands and to be obedient to their own husbands.” Notice the order—being husband-lovers followed by the obedience reminder. Philandros means loving her husband in the companionship and friendship kind of way. Best friends, affectionate, cheerful, supportive describe this love. Malachi 2:14 refers to a wife as a companion, of which Matthew Henry commented, “She has long been an equal sharer with thee in thy cares and griefs, and joys. He should freely converse and take sweet counsel [with her] as with a friend and in whose company he should delight in more than in any other’s.” With such godly camaraderie underlying the relationship, a wise, gracious wife responds with easy respect, obedience, and submission to her husband’s leadership. When her own marriage radiates the joy of easy godly companionship, her home benefits; the church is blessed; and the culture is impacted.
Mrs. B. Mooney