How to Have Personal Standards Without Being a legalist
Summer 2023
No, that’s not a typo in the title. There is a lowercase “l” on purpose. Capital “L” Legalism is heresy. That form of Legalism believes that personal obedience is the key to gaining favor with God and ultimately earning salvation. That was the Legalism of the Pharisees and the Judaizers in Galatians that taught you had to be circumcised or achieve some level of outward spirituality to be a true Christian. A lowercase “l” legalist is the kind of person that criticizes and judges other people for not living up to certain standards they have set. This kind of legalism is proud, arrogant, and self-centered.
Sometimes we throw around the term legalist like it’s some kind of sanctified insult to make ourselves feel better. If you see someone with a “higher standard” than you have, you just call them a legalist to make yourself feel better for not being so strict or disciplined. Calling someone else a legalist makes your actions look better than theirs. Others try to play the “Christian Liberty” card and claim their freedom in Christ as their license to do whatever they want. I want to argue that it is possible (and even appropriate) to have personal standards without being a legalist. In fact, you need to have personal standards.
What are personal standards as opposed to legalistic standards? If you decide to have the personal standard to not have sex before marriage, that is actually not a personal standard at all. That is what theologians call obedience. Likewise, having that standard does not make you a legalist. It makes you obedient. Expecting obedience to God’s commandments is not the same as setting legalistic standards. If you met a 90-year-old man who told you that he had never murdered anyone, you would not chide him for living such a legalistic life. Ironically, so many that throw around the term legalist do so against those who really are just being obedient. For example, it is not legalism to desire to honor the Lord’s Day or to want to remain sexually pure. It is not legalism to not steal or take God’s name in vain. Those are all specific commandments that God has given in the Bible. The difficulty comes when you get into situations that God has not specifically addressed. Those fall into the realm of personal standards.
Maybe as a young person you have some of these personal standards: “I will not kiss until my wedding day; I will not watch any movie rated over PG; I will not listen to Pop, Rock, or Country Music; I will not wear skirts above the knee; I will not get my ears pierced or wear makeup; or I will tithe 15% instead of only 10%.” The list could go on and on. One important thing to consider is that all those personal standards can be directly tied to a clear principal from Scripture. Not kissing until your wedding day is an application of the principle of preserving your purity and keeping the seventh commandment. David said that he would “set no wicked thing before [his] eyes” (Psalm 101:3), so that applies to not watching movies with a bad rating. Since 1Timothy 2:9 and other places teach women to be modest, having a standard for your skirt length makes perfect sense. The point is that all of those standards can be supported by Scripture, but none of them are directly commanded by Scripture. So the question is how can you keep, defend, and maintain those kinds of personal standards without judging and treating everyone else with a legalistic spirit?
For some, the way not to have a legalistic spirit is to just stop having any standards. The problem with that approach is that you need personal standards. You need them because your heart is sinful. If you understand the natural tendency of your heart to sexual desires, then setting up boundaries and safeguards for yourself is wise. Having standards does not make you a good person, it is just a recognition of the fact that you are a sinful person, and you can’t be trusted. Your personal standards are the safeguards and roadblocks to help keep you further away from sin.
What you must realize is that those standards or any others like them do not make you or anyone else holy. Just because your friends do not have the same standards as you, does not automatically make them worldly. You must deal with everyone out of a heart of charity. That does not mean that you condone or even somehow overlook sin. Of course not! It simply means that you must walk humbly before God knowing that you answer to Him and that everyone else does too. You do not define sin. God does. Sin is the transgression of God’s laws, not your personal standards.
As Christians, we are to “perfect holiness in the fear of God” (2 Corinthians 7:1). That means that out of a heart full of love for God, we each are to live for the Lord’s glory. In Romans 14:6, Paul said that those who claim liberty to do one thing, do it to the Lord and thank God for it. At the same time, the one who refrains from the same thing does it to the Lord and also gives thanks to God. Is the reason for your personal standard because you love God and want to serve Him with your whole heart? The question also goes the other way. Do you not have a certain standard because you love God and want to serve Him with your whole heart? Most of the time we reject personal standards simply because they are inconvenient. I would challenge you to examine your heart to see if that’s the case.
Young person, you need to have standards, but you can’t judge your brother or sister in Christ for not having the exact same ones as you do. You live before the Lord, and so do they. We must live with charity and encourage one another as we all desire to live holy lives perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
Rev. D. Bowman